Monthly Archives: September 2012

It’s the final count downnnnnn

6 days! 6 days! HOLY $#!* 6 DAYS!!!! I cannot believe it has been seven months since my brother and I sat down over the phone to buy my ticket. Where does the time go?! It’s funny…I have realized that the older I get, time seems to go twice as fast. As the responsibilities grow, relationships get more complex, we all get on this auto pilot mode and just go, go, go till its time for bed. Then we wake up and do it all over again. I was trying to remember my mind set back when I was younger, which Is like really hard to do. All I can really remember is how each morning I was so excited to wake and wake up the rest of the family…it was like each day was this exciting new adventure that had so much to offer. As kids, we live so in the moment that time is not even a factor. Maybe teaching kids how to tell time at a young age isn’t the greatest idea lol. But really.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned and STILL learning from my daily yoga practice is to be present. When I feel myself getting caught is the robot, auto-pilot mode, I am able to recognize that and I can step back and be still to remember where I am and WHO I am. I love this quote from “The Laws of Spirit”, “Time is a paradox, stretching between a “past” and “future” that have no reality except in our own minds. The idea of time is a convention of thought and language, a social agreement. Here is the deeper truth: We only have this moment.” (33)

Now Im not saying to take your sweet ol’ time if you have a major deadline at work or a paper for school, because unfortunately this is where that “social agreement” of time is important. What I am talking about is the bigger picture of “time”. Like for me, who has struggled with finding her place at college, I used to get major anxiety about finishing school in time or not finishing when Im 30 years old. One of the greatest reliefs was when I finally let go of that sense of time, and I can say I am completely at peace that Ill graduate 2 years later than I “should” have. Another example is my Uncle Scott, who inspires me greatly, who decided at 46 to go back to nursing school, and now he’s working for Duke medical center. Way cool, right?? If something inspires you, don’t let this idea of time hold you back or prevent you from pursuing it. If you think its too late to travel the world, ITS NOT. GO DO IT. As Michael Gannon would say, “You can think of excuses, but you don’t have to use them.”

Re-evaluate your priorities and do what make you HAPPY. Try to take a moment today, and just sit and be still, breath, and find joy with where you are on your journey.  And if you realize that something is just not working for ya, change it. Maybe it takes buying a $1400 plane ticket, putting your house on the market, quitting your job…because once you make that jump you HAVE to make a change at that point. I did it.  You create your own reality and you have all the “time” in the world.

So, this week ill be a busy bee running around getting some last minute things before I make the hop, skip, and a jump to India. Ill be sure to post one more time before I leave and will be posting regularly once I am there. Thank you for joining me on this journey, but this is just the beginning people!!! Ill leave you with this:

“Presence teaches that what you do today is important, because you are trading a day of your life for it.”

 

xo

A

 

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Two weeks and counting!!

Well, this time in exactly two weeks I’ll be somewhere over the Atlantic ocean on my way to my connection flight in London. I cannot even believe how fast these last seven months have gone by. But let me tell you….I am SO excited!!

Just to recap the last week or so…I turned 21 on the 10th, had a beautiful dinner with family and alicia(sista from another mista) and then this past weekend went down to Virginia Tech to really put my I.D to use lol! Caroline came from App State, Alicia came from JMU, and Wendy already was there and a ton of others I knew. In won’t go into any detail but it was a blast. And I was so humbled that my best friends made the effort to come and make me feel do special. I am sososososososo blessed in the friend department. Since many of my friends here at home are older and have kids I tend to forget that I’m 21 and not 41. Let’s just say I definitely felt 21 this weekend!!

So now I am back, and the final count down has started. It’s slowly starting to sink In that I’m actually going, i think it’ll really hit me once I’m on the plane haha. Its hard to explain my emotions and feeling right now, because I am not even sure how I feel. I DO feel however, that come October 1st, it’ll be the beginning of the rest of my life, ya I’m aware of how cliche that is. I can feel in my bones that it’s starting a new chapter and I can really start living MY life and how I want to live it. I have literally worked my ass off to make this trip happen, and for the first time ever I can actually say that I am proud of myself. For those of you who know me, you know that I’m always so hard on myself…thats probably on of the roots to my eating disorder. But I can definitely give myself a pat on the back.

This post wasn’t meant to be long and full of deep thoughts, just a brief update. Well, I’m just cruising till the 1st and making tying some final things done, doing lots of yoga, and doing a vegan cleanse to my poor, poor body (and liver lol) 🙂 Love to you all!! Xoxo

A

A day of remembrance

Well…I am officially legal in all aspects! I turned the big 2-1 yesterday!! Woooo! Thank you to everyone who made my day super special, whether it be a card, text, email, Facebook, twitter, ect. Nothing went unnoticed! I wanted to take a second to say how very thankful I am for all the people in my life. It especially hit me last night when my family was sitting around the table at Clyde’s in ashburn. My grandparents , Mimi and grampa (dads parents), my parents, my brother, and my best friend Alicia. Some of the people who I love the most and love me. It’s a pretty extraordinary feeling that many of us overlook because it is so “normal”. This weekend I get to live it up with my very best girl friends, and then the following weekend my OTHER grandparents are coming up to celebrate more. I have always had a birthMONTH not day lol. I am SO lucky to have a family that is so tight knit and that we are so involved in each others lives. I am also so so lucky to have friends, who are the like the sisters I’ve never had, in my life who love me for ME. For my best friends at flow, who have helped me through my darkest hours. I have so many people who love and support me, it’s almost overwhelming. I hope you all know that the feeling is mutual. That I would move mountains and part the seas for ALL of you. And you are always on my mind.

Growing up, my birthday high lasted all month, not really understanding how blessed i was. That all changed on my 10th birthday, September 10, 2001. I had just had an awesome joint birthday party with my dear friend from Lincoln elementary that weekend and all was good. The next day came, septemeber 11. I still remember that day so clearly. We got to school at 8, got straight to work and it was normally nonstop throughout the entire day. My fifth grade teacher mr. Paris was a no nonsense guy, so everybody was stunned when he announced at 10 am that we were having a free day and brought out all the board games and craft things. Nobody was complaining! We were in our own little cottage outside the main building so luckily we had a restroom and water fountain in the cottage. Then the early dismissals started, but everyone who was dismissed was escorted to the main building…that wasnt normal. I think more than half the class left early that day. For those of us who stayed, lunch was delivered to the cottage…that was definitely not normal. Rumors were flying about what was happening but no one really knew. The day finished up pretty normal, got on the bus and went home. Mom met me at the end of the drive way…again not normal since I was a mature 5th grader who was fully capable of walking up to my house. That’s when she explained to me what happened, I didn’t fully understand until I watched the news footage, then it really sunk in.

Since then, the day after every birthday I am reminded how precious life, familY, and friends are. I think it is a blessing in disguise to have a day of national remembrance after my birthday. Remembering how real the attacks were, and how people’s lives were changed forever. And that there is a much larger meaning to life than a birthday party and that it can be taken away in a second.

For those who died on that day, the victims, the heros, the fathers, mothers, daughters, brothers…you are not forgotten and hope you are at peace. For those that lived to tell the story, the victims, the heros, the fathers, mothers, daughters, brothers…you have taught a lesson that will never be forgotten, the ultimate action for love, and I hope you are at peace. For those who have fought for this country and gave their lives, the victims, the heros, the fathers, mothers, daughters, brothers…thank you for protecting us, for giving the ultimate sacrifice, you are not forgotten and I hope you and your loved ones are at peace. For those still fighting…thank you and please come home safely, and remember why we fight so you can be at peace. Lastly, for those who are still battling internally, holding on to that hate and evil…it’s time to let go. Forgiveness is the only way the end the battle, I hope you find peace.

Love to all.

A

too blessed to stress

wow, time as just FLOWN by these two weeks, and I have not found a space second to write here. To be honest, I just have been COMPLETELY exhausted. My days are non-stop and I feel like I have been on auto-pilot. Each week, I have the same schedule, I feel like I am just going through the motions at this point, I feel like I have lost a lot of my passion. I have been working my butt off for the last 7 months preparing for this trip, so I finally had to stop and remind myself WHY I am doing this in the first place.
I won’t lie, the last few weeks have been really tough, mainly mentally and emotionally. All of my friends left to go back to school, which is always hard. For those of you who don’t know me and my friends, and the relationship we have, its close. Very close. They are apart of my soul, my being. And when they leave, sometimes if feels like four pieces of me left with them. So THAT has been tough. Living at home is tough as well, I love being independent and at times I feel so trapped. My parents are amazing, but I think its the dark memories I have in this house. My eating has been up and down, i’ll have so good and bad days, that I will always struggle with. Each day I have to say out loud,  “Food is not who you are Ally.” Sounds silly, but for me its necessary to keep telling myself that.

And Lately I have found that teaching has been really tough for me too. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love teaching yoga, and I know that is what I am meant to do, but lately it has been feeling more of a burden than a blessing. Which I don’t like at all.

Everything I have taken a training or workshop, I feel so at peace with who I am and reassured I am on the right path. It recharges my passion for yoga in general. Being around amazing, accomplished, and inspiring teachers leaves a HUGE impression on me, on my heart. So deeply that I get emotional when it ends. I remember when Michael Gannon first came back in May 2011, after the last session ended I got in my car and just sobbed. I was sad it ended but also so over whelmed with the effect it had on me. The same happened after my workshop with David Swenson and again with MG. It hit me today that as much as I love being a “teacher”, I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a student, and I think we always will be as “teachers” too. I can only hope one day I can have my students leaving a class/workshop with that same emotion.

Lastly, I have been so stressed about what is to come for me. I have applied to schools down in NC, but I hate the unknown. I found myself forgetting about my trip and having panic attacks about what the next move will be. Stressing so much to the point of tears and pure exhaustion. But here’s the deal: I have done everything I can to set myself up for a solid next few months, the rest is up to God, the Universe, whatever you want to call it. I don’t want ANYTHING to take anyway something from my trip. That is my main focus. Oh and also I turn 21 in less than a week. I have SO much to look forward to.

So, only a short 26 days stands between me and Mysore India. Its still all so surreal. But I am so ready to go I can’t even stand it. I am ready to spread my wings and go do my thing. Am I scared? UM YES. But its exhilarating. I still have no idea what to really expect..even after talking to people there now and who have been. Or what to expect after I get back. What will it be like? what will I be like? But thats not important. The reward is not at the journeys end, the journey its self is its own reward.

xo,

A