It still blows my mind how the mind can be SO powerful…and not always for the good. It seems like for the last two weeks I have literally had to drag my butt out of bed to get on my mat…or I push back my practice time…or even cut my practice short. I o not know if its because it have been the final two weeks of the semester and I have been crazy busy with school work, but I feel very unsettled about how it has affected my practice. So, I think I’m definitely in a slump. Simple as that. When it comes to my asana practice I feel so unmotivated, tired, heavy, lazy, and impatient. Why?? Is this normal?? I have even tried to just sit and understand why I feel like this but I just get annoyed. Is this just another growth spurt? I have gone through times of anger and frustration…but never the feeling of just not getting on my mat. This freaks me out because I know the consequences of not having a daily practice and how it can be detrimental to my mental, emotional, and physical health. More, now than ever, I SO wish Boone had a mysore program. I am human, sometimes I need the help of peoples energy around me to keep me going and the assistance of a teacher. Is that wrong?
Don’t get me wrong, I am still practicing daily, but I feel like my dedication is dwindling…all semester I have been up between 4:30 and 6 every morning to practice…so why all of a sudden is it SO much harder? As I write this I realize it all comes down to faith again. Faith in my practice. Remembering how it has and continues to transform my life even if it hasn’t been easy. Faith that it keeps me accountable for my shit, making me deal with it, but never judging me. Faith in that it has helped me develop a new-found appreciation for my body that I never had before, how I’m the healthiest I have been in years. Faith. Why do I question the practice now, when It continues to prove its power?
So, I must have faith that this is just another growth spurt, that it won’t last forever. But I must keep getting up to put the work in because that is all I can do. And to listen to what my body NEEDS instead of what my mind WANTS.
This is short and not-so-sweet but thanks for putting up with my ranting/venting 🙂 xo