Today is a new moon so we have the day off!! So far it’s been lovely. I feel like I have lots to catch you up on, so I am going to try to remember everything.
Practice has been good and steady, though I found myself getting super frustrated with my supta kurmasana. I feel like ever since I first got into it, it has gotten sloppier and harder. Sharath says that’s my muscle and joints expanding and opening…and that it will get harder before it get easier. So, patience Ally!! I have started to work on my drop backs, which are great…but getting up not so much lol. Louise, one of the assistants, has been helping me but I’m hoping for some assists from Sharath this week. What I love most about this practice is that you become so in tune with your body, so on Thursday I was feeling kind of shitty about myself in general, like about my practice and I was feeling self conscious for some reason. These were all feelings coming up during my practice at 6 am…what triggered it? That’s what’s so amazing about ashtanga (for me anyway), when these things come up during practice, you find the root reason because there are no external triggers, it’s literally just you. Your mat isn’t laying there saying, “you look fat” or “wow, you call that supta kurmasana??” It’s something deep within yourself, and it makes you deal with it. That Thursday practice was an emotional one, after back ends the tears couldn’t be stopped, it’s what I needed. After svasana I felt relief, I think I am starting to let go of these old insecurities. I have become more and more grateful for my body and what I can do each day, and because of that respect, my bulimia seems like something left back in the distance. Each day my mantra is “your are strong, your are beautiful, you are brave.” And the more I practice, the more I am starting to believe it. Like i have said before, my eating disorder Has shaped a lot of who i am today, and i wouldnt change any of it. but it does not control me, and it certainly doesn’t define me.
Yesterday, Sunday, at conference with Sharath someone asked if all the postures were possible for everyone. He immediately said, yes absolutely. But, he said as long as your intentions are pure. If you are practicing just to get the next postures, you will struggle. If you practice for stability and peace, you will be successful in the postures. He also mentioned how it takes a lot of sacrifice, devotion, hard work, but none the less can be achieved by all. I knew then that this was my path, because I simply heard my heart speak it at that moment. I have suffered for several years at a young age, and it has lead me here. I need to tell my story, share it through this practice. So, I’m already to put the time and work in.
So, enough with the heavy! I have seen and done some really cool things since my last post. Friday night there was a Kirtan at Santosha cafe. This is basically where a bunch of people get together and sing chants and songs while people play the harmonium and drums! It was a BLAST. We danced, sang, laughed, then walked into town to get some local Indian food. Saturday, Jessie and I took the bus, actually two buses, up to Chamundi Hill. It’s this giant, gorgeous temple over 3,000 feet above sea level. One of the eight most sacred spots in South India. So beautiful. We walked through, placed flowers at the feet of Shiva and got some red paint on out forehead. Really cool experience. Then we hiked down the steps of the mountain to see Shiva’s bull, Nandi, where we were asked by a family to get a picture taken with us lol! It was super cute, even tho we were basically drenched in sweat haha. The bus ride back to the city was the best part, we took the local, non air conditioned bus, and it seemed to be teenage boy central. Got a couple more pictures taken if us and shook hands with people, it was a blast. When we got back into Gokulam, we again went to get a HUGE lunch for 40 rupees, less than a dollar.
Yesterday, Sunday, was a blast too. We got to go out a little bit last night since we all had the day off. We met up with some friends at a restaurant in town called green leaf, which is really awesome Indian food. Then we were feeling wild and went to Pizza Hut AFTER, dinner hahaha! We all wanted a taste of North America, so we got pizza followed by cookie sundaes. It was awesome. This only occurs when we don’t have to practice the next day haha! This was the nicest Pizza Hut I’ve ever been in, and they were play a nice mix of Rihanna, Lynard Skinner, and guns and roses lol. And then the monsoon came where we has to take a rickshaw all the way home, it was hysterical and very wet. So much fun and a really awesome group!
I’ll wrap this up because its getting long, though I do miss my family and friends, I really am loving it here. I am happy. XO